Opening the discussion Mrs Agatha Edo (first right in the photograph), a journalist with several years experience as an “agony aunt” in a number of newspapers, described the irresistible man as that “man who has Christ in him, the husband who knows his onions and knows that his first ministry is his marriage. He is that man who knows that God created his wife as a partner, a rock at home; He is a man who knows that God in creating his wife created for him a friend, a companion, a mother, a sister, an adviser, a counsellor. A man who appreciates the essence of womanhood and is humble enough to know that nobody is perfect, that the only perfect being is Christ.
Continuing, Edo who is currently with the Independent Newspapers Ltd where as Auntie Agatha, responds to tonnes of letters from hurting men and women twice a week, said the irresistible husband also knows that marriage is gift that you don’t get to know what is inside until you open it and he is man enough to accept what you have chosen. He must also be man enough to know that when imperfection comes, you go back to Christ and that Christ being the head of the home will always provide a path to eternity.
Addressing the issue of sex, she said the irresistible husband has the duty of making the perfect sex partner out of his wife, because as with everything else, he must provide leadership, pointing out that anointing flows from the head.
In her own contribution, Deaconess Titilayo Shoroye (second left in the photograph), a counsellor, wife of over 25 years who declared that she is enjoying her marriage, said the irresistible man is one who recognises that he was created after the image and likeness of God and reflects this truth in his behaviour. He respects, loves, communicates with and shares the leadership of the home with her. He is that man who initiates quick resolution of issues in the home even if the wife is the cause. He is a man who says of the wife, despite all your shortcomings, I will love you. He is able to continue to see those things in his wife that he saw when they were courting.
Shoroye, a grandmother who partners with the husband in business, said the irresistible man is one who has shares his challenges at work with the wife and listens to advice. This, he does because he realises that if God knew that men can handle things alone, he would not have created women and that God has endowed his wife with the necessary qualities to complement him.
The deaconess emphasised that the irresistible man has to be a great communicator who shares his heart with the wife on every issue, holding nothing back.
Pastor, author, speaker and singer, Dr John Akachi Ahamzie (second right), who spoke last chose to begin by showing who the irresistible husband is not. He explained that good looks, charm and wealth which many women find irresistible do not an irresistible husband make. He pointed out that thousands of traumatised and unfulfilled women are married to handsome men or moneybags. The irresistible man is therefore not born, he is formed. His mother doesn’t give birth to him. He may grow up as handsome and charming and talented but he is formed into irresistibility. He has to make up his mind to know what it is to be irresistible and go after it. You don’t put it on him. It’s a decision; it’s a calculation, a determination; it’s a function of wisdom, of discovery, of pursuit. He has to sit down and tell himself, I want to be irresistible and then find out what it takes and begin to pursue it.
Defining the irresistible husband, he said his first qualification is that he is born again, truly born again. He said if all the men were truly born again, programmes like the MBR would be unnecessary. The reason he has to born again is because he would then be able to keep his focus on Jesus who is the original irresistible man. Irresistibility is first of all inner based, so if he has some outside qualities it’s just a plus. He needs to spirit-filled and spirit-led so that he can pursue Christ-likeness. He needs to be born again so that he can grow in the fruit of the Spirit.
The irresistible man is a student of the marriage institution. Men don’t think this is important. Rather than attend events like this, they prefer to go out to make money, because they think that’s what the women want. So, they go out and make the money and are surprised that their wives are sleeping with their drivers. And don’t deceive yourself that it only happens outside the church; it is happening in the church. The prolific writer who pastors Holy Fire Overflow Church in Ogba, also said that the irresistible man is one who understands the intricate dynamics between love, romance and sex, which are like the three fold cord that is not easily broken.
The interactive session that followed featured very frank and incisive contributions and questions from the men who found time to attend the event.
Men’s Breakfast Roundtable, which was anchored by Remi Akano, held CTEM Auditorium, Jeho-Shamma Plaza at the Ogba Bus Terminal, Ogba, Ikeja. Another edition, on another issue that men are contending with, is scheduled for Saturday, January 16, 2009.
